Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
