the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
