So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
