I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
