Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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