just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
