apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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