Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
