He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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