Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize