are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
