I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I just want nice things and good sex
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
