I'm so fucking centered right now
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize