Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Can't talk, ducks in the car
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