im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
