it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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