I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
