Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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