So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
