it wasn't lemon gatorade
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
