Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
