So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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