okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
