Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Randomize
