I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
