fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
