I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
