I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
