I must be too annoying 4 u.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
