its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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