Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
