bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
