Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
