I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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