Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Randomize
