I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
