just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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