So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
