Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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