did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I know her cup size but not her name....
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
