If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
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