were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I just want nice things and good sex
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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