Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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