There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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