Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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