haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
