she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
