the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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