I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Randomize
