the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
