If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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