If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
