he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Randomize
