I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
