If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
