My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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