She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
