I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
