i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
