i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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