there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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