i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
