and i looked up. we had an audience...
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
