just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
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