when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
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