Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
