She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
