really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
