Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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