Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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