I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
