It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
