i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
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